Dunch Noe on Japanese

Well, when we thought Singapore Uncles and Aunties were bad enough...

Here comes Mr Japanese and his very interesting e-mail.

Now, please, I'm not bashing him for his English, but his unhealthy lifestyle that makes Japan a country of paedo-loli-lovers, suiciders, hello-kitty-lovers, wankers workaholics, perverts, train groping maniacs and hentai-watching sado-masochists.

Here's a little excerpt from our friend from the land of the rising sun:

One after one . always something new screen came up
And each time, It is so difficult to figure out how to do.
Is there any Guide book to teach how to do step by step ?

Your prompt reply would be very appreciated.
I will be working this weekend, too, until getting my goal.
Hopeful, you will be working in weekend, too.

Here's my thoughts to our friend:

Your relentless pursuit is appreciated as much as the haiku,
And each time, it is so difficult to tell you what to do.
Guide Book is for video-games and instruction manuals is all you need.

Thank you for appreciating my thoughts.
You are working this weekend too until you score hat-trick.
I am at home laughing at you.

Now, it is really tough to write like how our friend did. Luckily, he didn't send any more e-mails.

=P

Dunch Noe on Why Singaporeans need to work on their English and Listening Skills

Seriously, Singaporeans are bad listeners. They have poor command of English and as a Singaporean, I'm not denying they are probably the worst customers I had come across.

With such bad language skills, they are still demanding.

Many of you may have heard this Epic in person from me.

Untee: I cannot see anything on my computer.

Me: Madam, are you referring to your computer screen? Can you tell me what is it that you cannot see on your computer.

Untee: I see a blank page.

Me: Okay, you see a blank page. Can you describe the blank page to me? Is it white in colour, blue in colour or black in colour?

Untee: I cannot see anything.

Me: I understand you are unable to see anything, but can you tell me was your monitor switched on?

Untee: I see a blank page.

*pukes blood*

This is the standard moronic reply I get day in day out. Seriously, if you are guilty of this type of moronic reply, please bang your head against the wall to save the resources.

Dunch Noe versus Untee from Public

Whoa, another Untee again. This time, a member of the public.

Me: Madam, we had resent the mail from our application server and the mail was successfully sent. Thus, if you had not received both mails, please note that we had tested on another Yahoo! account and confirmed that mails can be delivered but moved to the Junk Folder. Thus, you may be required to check your junk mail folder.

Untee: I did not receive the mail.

Me: Madam, you may have to check with Yahoo! on the mail from us as our server logs showed that mail was successfully sent. If you are unable to retrieve the mail, we can resend the mail. However, we cannot provide any instructions on how to retrieve your mail as we are not the mail provider for your account in Yahoo!

Untee: So how come I didn't receive the mail?

*suicides* There should be a function on the keyboard to kill people who doesn't even listen. =(

Dunch Noe versus Savvy untee

Gosh, I'm ranting almost immediately in my first blog post when this not-so-savvy untee was speeking to me today. Yeah, I was flabbergasted by this delusional, self-proclaimed, expert who works in the IT industry.

Me: Good afternoon, how may I assist you?

Untee (supposedly an IT specialist too): There is a problem with the mail delivery, please check if the server has some block to filter the mail from this sender. I have sent you an e-mail on the issue.

*I went through my e-mail, finds the mail from the untee stating the IP of the sending server, sender's e-mail address, date and time mail was sent, recipient's e-mail address.*

Me: Alright, I'll check it out and get back to you.

*Half an hour later*

Me: Okay, I did a search on the mail gateway but could not find any attempt by the application server which the sender was sending from on my server logs. Based on the server logs, there were connection attempts by many other senders but I cannot find the IP of the application server which your user is having a problem receiving. Similarly, I did another check on the entries and found that user was able to receive mail successfully. I also did a search on my blocked sender lists and confirmed that the IP is not in the block list. Can you please get the sender to provide the logs from their server to show that an attempt was made to connect to our servers.

*1 day later, our untee call back*

Me: Good afternoon, so was your sender able to provide the connection logs?

Untee: I talked with the server team hor, they say that the mail was rejected hor at your end. Can you check again?

Me: Look, we cannot find any attempts made by the sender to connect to our server. The mail was not rejected on our end.

Untee *interrupts profusely, acting the Guru*: Don't bluff lah, everytime you all say not rejected but in the end your mail filter always block the mail one. You sure you checked or not, or you don't know how to check? The user cannot receive mail leh, you all provide mail but mail didn't reach the recipient is your fault lor. You all must check.

Me: Look, imagine the mail provider as a BANK, your user as an account owner with the bank. Imagine the mail as cash that is about to be deposited into the bank. The mail filter as the security guards in the bank. Please note that our security cameras installed in the bank did not capture the person who was trying to help the user deposit the cash in the bank. The person did not appear at the bank's door. You do not tell the bank to find the person who is supposed to deposit the cash.

Untee: So who am I supposed to ask, since you are the mail provider? Is this the type of service you are providing?

Me: Go and ask the person who is supposed to deposit the cash aka your sender. The sender didn't even reach our doors.

*Another day later*

Me: Good morning, so have you managed to get the logs?

Untee: Why you all check so long, still no mail send to the user?

Me: Can I speak with the desktop engineer handling this issue, I think he can answer me better.

*Untee hangs up* =/