Dunch Noe went to Con-Mex

Another sardine day. I am still amazed at the number of suckers people who are drawn to buy very powderful systems.

While I do not appreciate the need to squeeze, I find it a burden to attend such a mass orgy ill-prepared event.

The amount that you saved traveling to buy something there, you probably paid more in taxi fare back home.

Oh well, I love public transport.

=P

Dunch Noe on H1N1

Pigs, otherwise, known as mother of the Influenza A, H1N1, were imported to Singapore from Indonesia and found to contain strains of the H1N1 virus.

As such, if you are eating pork, make sure you cook in high temperature. Who knows if you have taken ill due to H1N1?

If you are a pork addict, please keep your body healthy.

AVA is stepping up on their checks on those hogs, but if you want to stay clear of H1N1, please take the spaceship to Mars.

=P

Dunch Noe on National Day

Sunday is the National Day but in the corporate world, we are oblivious to the importance of it.

The 'Independence' of Singapore is never celebrated in the corporate world. To the people in the corporate world, Singapore was never independent.

Singapore depends on water purchases from neighbouring countries. Without which, all the livelihood of the Singapore will be a disaster. Other than oxygen, water is the world most precious commodity which the island (I don't think Singapore is a country) is lacking. In the past, Singapore is extremely dependent on Johor Water. With the desalination plants that makes marine water drinkable and NEWater plants that makes our piss drinkable, we slowly reduce the dependency of our neighbours. However, with the targeted population in Singapore, I think we will eventually drink water from our humid air via Condensation Plants.

Food, another necessity, is purchased from neighbouring countries such as Thailand (our main supplier of rice), Malaysia (vegetables, poultry and meat), Indonesia (fish, vegetables and meat). With our staple diet sourcing from various countries, we have subjected ourselves to possible famine when there is bird flu, swine flu, chicken flu, H1N1, H2N2, H3N3, mad cow disease, crazy pig influenza, moronic bird illness. Since there is almost zero production in Singapore to produce what we require to eat, I will suggest a constant diet of human flesh, possibly cooked in various style like boneless human rice, lang kut teh, human chop, nasi orang etc.

Now, another lack of natural resource that Singapore encounters is the lack of land. Land, being an important resource for building and growth, can slow down the growth of a powerful nation when the nation is facing a shortage of. Being a smaller country, with a relatively small (humji) population size, it is not possible to utilize the methods which Genghis Khan, Caesar, Hannibal etc have employed. Thus, land conquest is not likely to occur in a trillion years. Maybe in 2 trillion years time, Singapore will invade Malaysia. Thus, the island needs to look at space conquest with specialized foreign talents recruited from Mars and Venus to look for asteroids that can increase the land size of Singapore. One such destination is the moon.

Once we manage to be self-sufficient in all these 3 areas, we can finally declare our nation's independence.

Did anyone mention oil?

=P

Dunch Noe on the Tote Bags women carry

With their diminutive figures, guys like myself always wonder, why does a woman carry a tote bag full of 'necessities'? Of course, below is a convenient make-up list of the items that are usually found in a woman's bag from experience. I got enough experience with different women to know what they usually have. Luckily, Dunch Care doesn't have most of the items listed below in her bag.

Here's the list:

1. Make-up kit
Reason: Women need to touch up their ICI Deluxe because it doesn't stay there permanently. Apparently, clowns also require to bring a tote bag with a make-up kit and the plastic nose to go with it.

2. Tissue
Reason: When you need to clean yourself, the tissue paper is always handy. The toilet runs out of toilet paper, the tissue paper is always handy. Of course, it is not so handy to the toilet cleaner who finds the toilet bowl choked with 3 ply tissue paper. The skin of women is delicate. So their ass cheek is also delicate.

3. Wet Tissue
Reason: To make themselves wet. Okay, no kidding. You have 3 ply tissue paper and whoa, wet tissue? Yes, unfortunately for ill-informed guys, wet tissue is part of the make-up kit. Why can't women use the 3 ply tissue, wet it and re-do their make-up? That's because the 3 ply dry ones is for the toilets, you fool!

4. ATM card Credit Card
Reason: The true advocate of my money is my money and other people's money is my money will be the Credit Card holders. Except that, the bank comes back to haunt and cheat them of their savings. Women, pampered with the ideology that the money inside the bank is untouchable, are now armed with the latest arsenal of other people's money. Best of all, you don't need to queue with this.

5. Oil Face Blotter
Reason: The wet tissue usually fail miserably when water isn't sufficient to isolate the pecks of dirt clogged by the grease, as such, handy creations such as Face Blotter is the new introduction to the family of ICI Deluxe companions. Well, you might be saying that our body will replace these essential lubricant again, and so whenever they are out, Women have a FULL COMPLETE set of unused face blotter. Now, did anyone mention irritation?

6. Perfume
Reason: To disguise their horrible stench comes the ultra eco-friendly scent. Often comes in flowery or fruity scent, strong doses of these perfume can cause perverts to have a splitting headaches and hangover. It also acts as a "pepper spray" that activates the 'stun' status on their victims when used on the eyes of perverts. It packs a punch!

7. Umbrella
Reason: Weather forecast is no longer an issue. Rain or Shine, these ultra handy shrinkable helps women move over all terrain in all weather. Of course, when the "pepper spray" fails, you arm yourself with the +5 atk 1-hand umbrella with a 1/1 durability. Who knows the dark alleys contains pervy men?

8. Sanitary Pads/Tampons
Reason: You don't know when a woman need them as the calendar of a woman can be screwed up at times. No questions asked, fickle is the word, period. Pun intended.

9. Publications
Reason: To improve the image of women as intelligent species, some women carry the papers like Wall Street Journal, Times, etc. However, they are frequently found carrying them, but seldom leafing through the articles. The romantic would bring a novel for the boring ride on the bus, train, taxi and the toilet ride. The fashionable will always have the trendy fashion magazines which probably contains more advertisements than what they get on their little trips. The pious will carry the law of the holy one, bible, and usually they are found savoring the intriguing words. However, you will hardly see the following: Map. Lost aren't we?

10. Water Bottle containing suspicious liquid
Reason: Water is essential for good health. Water is a necessity. Water is bottled and bottled water is heavy.

11. Cigarettes Make-up kit 2
Reason: You won't find cigarettes in a tote bag for goodness sake. The ladies don't carry cigarettes or lighters or any puffing device. These are all kept in the metal container. No, it is not a specialized cigarette box, it is make-up kit 2.

12. Pencil Case
Reason: Unknowingly, if you bring a tote bag without a writing tool, you will be belittled by the men. So bring a pencil case to show off your collection of beautiful markers, pens, pencils, erasers, rulers, stapler, staples, right-angle protractor, highlighters, etc, which hardly even been used for more than 2 times.

13. Nail clipper, nail file and nail polish
Reason: Nails are weapons for women. They give +2 attack damage when maintained properly. To inflict better damage, a nail file is used to sharpen the edges to add a +1 damage. Nail polish is for lubricating the weapon to prevent rust, no I mean prevent it from breaking.

14. A pair of cosmetic scissors
Reason: Hair, they say, grow in strange places. Women, strange creatures they are, cut them with it.

15. Handphone, spare batteries and charger
Reason: A woman without a handphone is incomplete. A handphone without battery power is incomplete. The public phone is for construction workers.

16. Sewing Kit
Reason: When the Credit Card fails, and the clothes fail, you have a sewing kit that rescues your life. Of course, why are the clothing skin tight, you ask. That's because they have sewing kit to prevent them from exploding into pieces.

17. Home keys, office keys, car keys.
Reason: Why do you need your office keys you are not in office? Because the bag is big. Why did you carry the home keys with you in the tote bag when you shop? Because the bag is big and the car is small.

18. Notepad
Reason: When you can't remember anything, write them down. When you write them down, you don't need to remember anything. When you are asked about something, you fidget and look for the notepad in the big tote bag, then people will not ask you anything, anymore.

19. Sunglasses
Reason: The sunglasses gives a +3 personality and +5 charm when worn. The sunglasses also gives a -10 defence again sunlight. The sunglasses also give a cloaking effect to the bruised eye.

20. Membership Cards of 1000 retailers, 500 fitness and spa clubs
Reason: You get extra discount with a member card on a sales day. Of course, bargain prices are hard to get and extra discount is whoosh, wheeee, wow and woo-hoo. Excess baggage, don't worry about it madam, you buy, you can get your servant, the guy to carry.

21. Receipts of 1000 purchases
Reason: Spend $400 on shoes in one receipt and get a lifetime membership. Else, you can combine your receipts to $400 and get a lifetime membership. You can also bring the receipt to our sister shop, the BIGBAGSTORE, to enjoy a 5% discount on bags for your next purchase within 30 days.

22. Hello Kitty plasters
Reason: You don't know when you bleed. Sounds like item 8.

23. Hair clip and hair band
Reason: I am sure I don't like fish and chips and hair.

24. Movie ticket stubs
Reason: You can use them to recall what movie you have watched.

25. MP3 player and a pair of earphones
Reason: Trendy ear muffs for noise pollution.

26. Business cards
Reason: People listen to you when you start distributing them.

27. Battery operated fan
Reason: The weather is very hot. Using the fan will -3 to heat but +2 to weight.

28. Contact Lens solution
Reason: The solution to spectacles.

29. Spectacles
Reason: When you run out of the solution.

30. Shaver
Reason: Refer to item 14. Sometimes, there are more than 1 strand of hair that requires removal and thus, a shaver corrects that.

31. Hand held mirror bigger than the one in the make-up kit
Reason: We understand that light travels in straight line and you need 2 mirrors to see the back of the head.

32. Calculator
Reason: Did the sales man say that 50% discount for the second item is a better bargain than 30% discount? Item A is 10 bucks. Item B is 10 bucks. (10 + 50% of 10 )- (70% of 10 x 2). Now gimme a calculator for that.

33. Torchlight
Reason: Always in the dark due to item 7 & 19, they require the torchlight to lit their ways.

34. Sweets
Reason: To help sore throats. To prevent giddiness.

35. Comb and hair spray
Reason: The ideal package that defends the position of the hair.

36. Paracetamol
Reason: To be used together with item 10. This cancels the status effect 'Giddiness'.

37. Other drugs
Reason: Probably medical kit sufficient to +200 to HP.

38. Passport and IC
Reason: For those frequently on the run, the woman had a stronger urge to run away from the country.

39. Bank Book
Reason: This is to help robbers know that they can rob me a second time.

40. Driving Licence
Reason: Somehow, men like to leave these on the car/wallet. Women like to keep them in the tote bag. Perhaps it is more convincing to the police when you lose your passport, ic and driving licence.

41. Organiser
Reason: Because women need them.

42. Pack of 3 Condoms balloons
Reason: Sometimes, this can save many lives.